A meagre 30% of women report having an orgasm every time and over two-thirds of them admit to faking it either occasionally or always! These statistics are dismal, and men it’s time we step-up our game. Follow the recommendations below and you will send her over the moon with pleasure and dramatically increase her chances of reaching orgasm.
Shift the Focus Away from Her Vagina
Focusing on the vagina is the biggest mistake a man can make when trying to please his woman sexually. The vagina has very few nerve endings and almost all the woman’s pleasure nerves are attached to her clitoris. You should spend ample time stimulating her clitoris with your fingers and tongue during foreplay. But don’t head straight to the clitoris, start by kissing and caressing her entire body but avoid her breasts and genital area. As her arousal builds you can then proceed to touch, lick and suck her erogenous zones. Ideally, you should bring her to orgasm before you engage in intercourse. Woman are capable of multiple orgasms and the threshold for orgasms is reduced after the first, so if you want to be a truly legendary lover, bring her to climax multiple times before entering her.
Don’t forget to keep her clitoris stimulated during intercourse as well. Experiment with different positions and try to find ones that will maximize clitoral stimulation (a strategically placed pillow can often help). In positions that don’t allow you to rub against her clitoris, use your fingers, or a vibrator, and encourage her to stimulate herself as much as she pleases. Some woman are self-conscious about this, so let her know it turns you on when she touches herself. Finally, take it slow and be patient, most women require 20 to 40 minutes to reach their first orgasm, and the more time you allot towards building anticipation and arousal, the easier and more explosive her orgasms will be.
Do the Opposite of What You See in Porn
Too many men model their sexual behavior off what they see on porn. The problem is, most porn is created for men, by men, and foreplay is rushed or non-existent, or it consists of a few seconds of kissing followed by the woman giving the man fellatio. Rarely do you see the man focusing on the woman’s pleasure or giving the woman oral sex for more than a few seconds, yet any truly caring and knowledgeable lover wouldn’t even consider entering his woman before patiently arousing her with oral and manual stimulation.
Porn is also problematic because the fast, hard, genital-oriented sex that it glorifies is exactly opposite of what a woman’s body needs. Women are aroused by slow, soft, sensual, whole-body sex. And the importance placed on “size” and “going deep” in porn, and in the media is ridiculous. It is the outer third of the vagina that produces pleasure for a woman and going too deep can actually be painful, especially if you are large, or she is not adequately aroused.
Tap Into Her Auditory Arousal
Women do not get aroused from visual cues alone, like men do.[i] You need to activate their emotions in order to spark their arousal and one great way to do that is with your words.[ii] For this, the delivery is as important as the words themselves. Say the words in a soft, yet strong and confident tone. If you can whisper them in her ear even better – the feeling of your breath against her ear and neck will add to her arousal. If you don’t know what to say, compliments are always good. Choose something that is not generic, and specific to her – the more special and unique you make her feel the more aroused she will become. Use the word “you” and “your” often, during foreplay and intercourse, such as “You feel/are amazing”, “Your kisses make me so hot”, “I can’t wait to get inside of you” or “You turn me on so much”.
Don’t Use the Same Old Tricks
Men are pretty straight forward when it comes to arousal, and intercourse almost always ends in orgasms for them. You can do the same thing over and over again, and an orgasm is pretty much guaranteed. Women are much more sexually complex, and they need a lot of variety and constant fluidity. What works for her one day will not necessarily work for her the next. So instead of treating her like a robot with certain love buttons you can push each time to bring her to climax, think of her as an ever evolving being that requires ongoing exploration. The more techniques you have in your repertoire the easier it will be to adapt to her evolving needs. I recommend you get a copy of the book She Comes First, by Ian Kerner, MD, to help you with this. The website https://personallifemedia.com/ is also an invaluable source of information provided by female sex experts, on how to turn a woman on and please her sexually.
Strengthen Your Emotional Bond m
A woman needs to trust you and feel comfortable around you in order to let go and surrender her body fully during sex. And the more emotionally supported and connected she feels to you, the easier it will likely be for her to climax. Women also have greater difficulty getting out of their heads during sex and if you haven’t been treating her right outside of the bedroom, it’s going to interfere with her ability to become aroused by you. If you want to prime your woman sexually outside the bedroom – here’s what you need to do. You need to compliment her and tell her how much you love her often. Surprise her with small gifts, love letters, or dates, to let her know how much you care. And ALWAYS do your share of the household chores. You can also deepen your bond through touch, which releases the love and connectivity hormone oxytocin. Hold her hand, hug her, kiss her, and cuddle with her regularly. And if you want to almost guarantee she has an explosive orgasm, give her a long, sensual massage.
For a complete guide to maximizing her pleasure and your own, plus information on how to boost your stamina and virility and reverse sexual dysfunction, get a copy of my acclaimed new book: New Guide to Maximum Pleasure for Men