Sexual energy is life force energy. It is considered by many cultures to be the ultimate healing energy and the most powerful force available to man. Sexual energy is not simply about the sexual act. It determines how you engage with life, how you create, how you connect, how expressive you are, how open you are, and how you give and experience love. It also determines how attractive you are. It is that certain “Je ne sais quoi” that some people have that makes them irresistible, regardless of their physical appearance. It is transformative, fertile, and forever changing.

Stagnant Sexual Energy

Most people have negative emotions and perceptions embedded in their bodies, which prevents the flow of sexual energy. When sexual energy is blocked or stagnant, the vibration and the frequency in your body slows down. This causes you to experience great disharmony in your life and in your relationships. Stagnant sexual energy can manifest as defensiveness, manipulation, resistance, emotional walls, a lack of creativity, insecurity, addiction, disease, and great difficulty in achieving one’s dreams and goals. It can also lead to an inability to commit, and an inability to fully give or receive love.

Kundalini and Tantric Sex: The Basics

Most people have heard of kundalini and tantric sex, but few people fully understand what it actually is. Kundalini refers to a primal, s vexual energy that is located at the base of the spine. Awakening this energy is said to lead to enlightenment. Tantra refers to ancient customs and practices of Hinduism. Tantric sex is a form of ritualized sacred sex that stems from this religion and practicing it, is said to awaken the kundalini energy.

Tantra teaches you how to harness and cultivate your sexual energy to its deepest potential which transcends pleasure and procreation. It emphasizes awareness and the importance of the present moment. Refilling your body with deep sexual energy allows you to experience your core essence, to see that you are directly connected to everything, and to experience another as yourself.

When you heighten your sexual energy, harmony is restored and everything in your life falls into place. Your hearts desires become achievable, and you are able to experience an intimate, whole-hearted connection with your lover. Sexual energy experienced, expressed, lived, and harnessed to its highest potential leads to spiritual liberation and to true ecstasy.

Below is a summary of some of the fundamental teachings of Kundalini and tantric sex, in no particular order. You can use these teachings to cultivate your own sexual energy. Please keep in mind however, that this is just a brief outline of a few teachings. To truly understand kundalini and all its wisdoms, it would take a lifetime of study and practice.

Teaching #1 – Shift the Focus from Orgasms

Humans are addicted to orgasms. We want more, we want better, we want faster. We use orgasms not just for pleasure, but also to temporarily forget our problems, and to relieve stress and anxiety. According to spiritual counselor, awakened sexuality mentor, and conscious relationship guide Zeerak Khan, there is a deeper, underlying reason why we are so addicted to orgasms though. And that reason is that orgasms force your mind to stop and place you in the present moment. During orgasms your personality momentarily forgets itself. You briefly enter a space of oneness where your heart is fully open, and you are fully connected to your lover and to the universe. In that place of presence and oneness, your ego (which is the chief source of human suffering), is temporarily dissolved. All of your perceived problems and all of the things you feel are lacking in your life disappear. And love, pleasure, and fulfillment is all that exists.

At this point you’re probably thinking that all of what I just said is fantastic, but there are a few major drawbacks. Firstly, sexual energy is the most powerful and potent source of vital life force energy, and orgasms deplete that force. A hyper-focus on orgasms is also problematic because it is only about yourself and the natural tendency is to disconnect immediately after orgasming. Also, chasing orgasms prevents you from being in the moment, having a depth of connection, and creating true intimacy with your partner. While forgoing orgasms is not a practical recommendation for most, you can help preserve and cultivate your sexual energy by delaying your orgasms and by shifting your focus. Instead of orgasm-oriented sex, place all your focus and awareness on being fully in the moment with your lover.

Teaching #2 – Be in the Moment

Tantric sex is all about presence and awareness. If you find it hard to stay in the moment, shift from thinking to feeling. Ask yourself: “How does it feel to be in this body?” And then feel the pleasure your body is providing you. Ask yourself: “How does it feel to be in this experience?” And then feel that pleasure as well, recommends Khan. At the same time, know that you are not your feelings, sensations or thoughts. You are a spiritual being experiencing your true self through your body.

Stare into your partners eyes and feel the depths of love build between you. Let go of all the thoughts that bombard your brain. When you find your mind wandering, simply refocus your attention on your partner, on the magic of the moment, and on the bond between you two. Whatever comes up, whatever arises, just allow it to be in the periphery. When you learn to be fully present in the moment, you will experience your true self and the incredible depths of pleasure and ecstasy will become available to you.

Teaching #3 – Practice Eye Gazing and Deep Breathing

Extended eye-contact is an essential part of tantric sex. It brings you into the moment and allows you to see beyond the physical, and into your partner’s soul. It also forces you to let your guard down, to be vulnerable, and to let your partner see you wholly. During foreplay, hold eye contact for 2-5 minutes and resist the temptation to look away. While you are intimate, engage in extended eye contact, as often as possible.

Another important step for connecting and building sexual energy is breathing deeply. Babies breathe right down to their belly’s, but most children and adult’s breathe using only their chests. This lifelong distorted breathing depletes the lifeforce and creates an energetic shutdown. Before even beginning foreplay, both you and your partner should take a few moments to breathe and relax. Imagine yourself breathing in positivity and breathing out lingering stressors of the day. Reconnecting to the breath and breathing not only deeply but in tandem with your partner, will build your life force and keep you connected, and in the moment.

Teaching #4 – Worship and Explore the Entire Body

The primal need to speed things up often translates into the bedroom, where foreplay is rushed or skipped, and intercourse is hard and fast. With tantra, intercourse is downplayed, and foreplay becomes coreplay. The longer you spend in the foreplay stage, the more energy you will build together and within, and the end result is greater pleasure for both of you. Spend extended amounts of time exploring each other’s entire body’s, while avoiding the typical ‘erogenous’ zones. Caress each other’s feet and hands, feel all the fingers and both palms, and tune-into the feeling of the nerve endings at the tips of your fingers. Tell your partner what feels good, linger in your partner’s touch, and let yourself be completely vulnerable and open to your partner.

With time, you may slowly progress to the erogenous zones, but remember the goal is not orgasm. Any type of goal orientation will leave you feeling depleted. Instead, focus on the intimacy, connection and pleasure-sharing that is occurring in the moment between you two. Make intercourse slower and softer, and delay orgasm as long as possible. If you feel yourself getting close, use your breath to relax, reconnect to your partner, and re-center yourself.

Teaching #5 – Dispel Shame and Embrace Your Sexuality

According to Khan, sex has been separated from its core essence which is spirituality. Organized religions are a major cause of this separation. Many religions preach that sex is just meant for procreation, sexuality is sinful, and to be closer to God you must suppress your sexuality. Marketing and the media further separate sex from spirituality by exploiting it for money. This leads to a negative duality where we’re either stifling sex or selling it, says Khan. As a result, there are many negative connotations associated with sex and sexuality, a few of which include shame, fear, and guilt.

These connotation, cause many of us to suppress or sexuality. And the more we suppress and repress it, the more we are in our guilt, the more we are in our shame, the more it comes out in destructive ways, says Khan. We must remember the core of our being started with sexuality. And sexual energy is an extremely powerful, positive, healing energy. It is highly creative energy and reconnecting to your sexuality shows you the true nature of who you really are, which is love. Let go of fear, shame and guilt. Admire your naked body, and fully embrace your experience as a sensual and sexual being.

Teaching #6 – Embrace the Healing Nature of Sexual Energy

Sexual energy is not only the most powerful force we have, it is also highly therapeutic. When used consciously, it can be a great catalyst for spiritual growth, healing and transformation on all levels. To engage in conscious, healing sex, you need to yield, surrender, and open yourself up completely to your partner. Use harmonizing breaths and eye gazing to deepen your connection. Allow your partner to take over your whole body and trust that his or her main motivation is to show you love and give you pleasure.

The healing nature of conscious sex may trigger deep emotions such as sadness, fear, anger or pain. These emotions are stuck energetically in the body and when they arise, you are accessing and healing your pain body. This may cause you to cry, and you should let yourself do so. Embracing all of your feelings allows you to process and release them. It clears out negative, old energy, reawakens and opens your heart, and paves the way to true ecstasy.

Teaching #7 – Recognize the Ego

The Ego causes you to identify yourself as an isolated being, incomplete and separate from self and others. It prevents you from seeing your true nature, as a whole and complete being. The ego is based externally, and seeks to find happiness from outside sources, instead of finding it from within. The separation that the ego causes leads to jealousy, fear, and drama in relationships. It also causes tremendous suffering, and prevents you from experiencing true happiness and peace.

Because the insecure and fragile ego is survival based, it can cause you to guard your heart and hold back parts of yourself as a protective mechanism. But never fully letting someone in, prevents you from formulating deep, wholehearted love connections. An important part of tantra is recognizing the role the ego plays in your emotions and behaviors and learning to disregard the egos beliefs and desires.

Teaching #8 – Let Go of Fear and Manipulation

Sadness, rejection, failure and heartache are a natural and unavoidable part of the human experience. Unfortunately, when you experience them, it causes a part of yourself to shut-down and you become overtaken by fear. Fear that you are not loveable, fear that you will lose your partner, and fear that you are lacking in love. Operating from a place of fear depletes your life force energy and prevents you from seeing that you are already loved, whole and complete.

Your ego responds to fear defensively, and this causes you to manipulate and control your partner and other loved-ones in attempt to keep your love sources around. Your ego may also respond by withholding love or by using sexuality to temporarily gratify and feel connected. In order to cultivate sexual energy, you need to dispel fear and the compulsion to control and manipulate.

Teaching #9 – Take Responsibility for Your Pain

You are responsible for your feelings, and no one can “make” you feel anything. Your ego doesn’t understand this though and it prefers to project your pain onto your partner. You blame him or her for your negative feelings, and you look to your partner to make you feel happy and whole – which is impossible. You need to recognize that pain is your responsibility and understand that your partner didn’t elicit that pain. Don’t try to suppress pain, it is a natural part of the human experience. Instead, when pain arises, observe it, embrace it, be with it, and in a few days, it will transmute and disappear.

Teaching #10 – Recognize That We Are One

Ego creates separation, and it is the primary source of human pain and suffering. Incorporating the teachings of Kundalini into your life will allow you to dissolve your ego, to see that you are a part of a whole, and that we are all connected as one. It will allow you to see into your partner and to see beyond your partner. Where your partner ends and where you began, will dissolve. And you’ll realize that whatever you do to your partner, you are essentially doing to yourself.

Because you will no longer experience your partner as separate, you will no longer feel the need to control them or change them, and you will stop projecting onto them. You will release feelings of jealousy, fear and distrust, and you will allow them to be exactly as they are. Whenever you feel ego driven emotions and compulsions arising, refer to the teachings of Kundalini, and remind yourself you are one with the universe, you are whole, you are perfect, and you are loved.